A Neko of little faith

     My lack of faith. How does my lack of faith affect my relationships? Not well.

     Today is a case in point. As I stated in my previous blog, I am trying to face my issues. The biggest issue is M. He'll remain my biggest issue until I face him. I sent him 4 messages over the last few days. I have not received a response. My lack of faith prompted my last message to be an accusation. Stating that I assumed I had not heard from him because of his desire to remove me from his life.

     In most cases 4 messages later is a good indication the person in question wants nothing to do with you. In the case of M this may not be true. After the last 9 months I should know this. I've lost the trust I had in him. I have no faith he has ever been truthful. This lack of faith prompted my response.

     It could be that what I am asking is to much. Yes I need to face him, but I need to get some facts straight first. I wanted to ask him some questions. My hope is with his current interest in being truthful about his feelings I can trust his answers. And let's be truthful with ourselves, I love him. I am going to believe him anyway.

     I had thought of listing the questions I had. After I started I realized I wasn't comfortable doing that. Some of the questions are personal. Some of the questions are dumb. I wonder if I will get them answered. I wonder if I will get a chance to face him.

     In follow up he did respond. He seems willing to talk. I hope I don't flub this up. It's possible my recent change of thought pattern may lead this conversation to a more beneficial result. I will keep my followers posted. No I don't expect this talk to instantly repair every issue I have. Perhaps, however, it will lead to a course of action that will end in us repairing our relationship in one way or another. On the sad side ... I am still just as excited to see a message from him as I always have been. Stupid Neko heart.