Today I went and got contacts. I haven't worn contacts in years. It was a bittersweet decision. M said to me once "Why don't you wear contacts? Not that I don't like your glasses, but you'd look better with contacts." I had decided at that moment to get contacts when I got my flex spending card back in the mail. After the break up I debated about doing it. In the end I did it for multiple reasons. 1. I am not going to let memories stop me from doing anything. (this is a lie, I let memories stop me all the time) 2. Maybe he's right. Maybe I'll look better this way.  3. Doing something like this helps me feel better about myself.

     Friday I go to see M for the first time since the break up. Yes it hasn't been very long . This is why I'm worried. I don't know if I should wear my glasses or my contacts. It sounds like an easy decision and not that important. It's not, every decision I make about Friday will be a big decision to me. I wish I didn't love him. I wish sometimes I could stop loving him. Other times I never want to stop. I hate emotions,