A Neko posting from work

     I made today's post through my email on my phone. I am in awe. However, if you read it before now, you will have noticed some errors. It's easier to catch those when posting right from the site. But it's nice when I feel the need to get something off my chest that it doesn't matter where I am.

     I'm not sure I made that clear at the beginning. I'm not doing this so everyone hates M and loves me. I'm not doing this because I hate M. I don't; I love him. I mean really truly love him. The jump in front of a train to save his life kind of love. The let him go because it makes him happy kind of love. But I can't just swallow what I'm feeling. And I can't share it with him because he'll feel guilty. So I'm sharing it in general.

     It took a lot of thought before I shared the link to this blog on facebook. My worry, of course, that he may read it. I can't stop that from happening. But I truly believe he doesn't have enough interest in me for him to do that. So over all I'm not worrying about it. I posted it for my friends who may be interested in what I am going through. I'm not going to share it with you personally. I will however post it here because I can't hold it any longer.

     I have a lot of friends who have no interest in my emotional state unless I'm happy. In fact that was one of M's big problems. He liked me best when I was happy. No not just happy; visually happy. I am not happy right now. I will not be happy over all for a while. I am not going to be sad all the time. But right now the major emotion in my life is sorrow. It won't be that way forever. Someday I'll have happy posts. Right now they aren't meant to garner sympathy or turn anyone against M. They are meant as an output so I don't drown in my emotions.

     Now that I've made that clear, I am going to watch Soul Eater with Zed.