You ever get the feeling that you take 2 steps forward and 5 steps back? Of course you do ... if people didn't I wouldn't have that phrase to draw from in my repertoire of witty phrases. Everything seems that way right now. The most important thing feels that way.
I've never been any good with lack of control. I need to feel like I'm in control of a situation or I'm unhappy. I'm so out of control with this situation I am feeling like a child. Seriously ... I brainstorm for ideas on how to move forward and the things I come up with make me feel like I should be back in high school. How can I berate other people for their childish actions if I'm on the verge of doing something just as silly and childish. The only way I'm controlling myself is by putting these feelings into words that I can read ... sigh ... shake my head .. .and turn away.
Even then it's only partially helped. That's right ... I've sent FB messages that didn't need to be sent. Messages fishing for the response I am looking for. I know how this works ... even if the response I want would have been the normal one given ... people's first response is rebellion. Good job Neko ... way to restart. I need to keep busy. If I'm busy I'm not thinking. If I'm not thinking I'm not coming up with bad ideas. Who wants to help entertain a crazy Neko?
Silence?
That's what I thought.
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