I am not sure how to start this blog. I have half a dozen scribbled out attempts above this. My ant responded to something I wrote on facebook with a response that emphasises the topic of this blog. I know emphasise isn't the word I wanted there but I can't come up with the word I need. It's sitting on the tip of my tongue doing the macrena and laughing at me.
When Someone important to us is hurt by someone else we try to comfort them. We tell them they are better than that person. We tell them not to blame themselves it's the other persons fault. We tell them how amazing they are and how horrible the other person is. We tell them how it's the other person who is the problem.
I am not saying any of this is incorrect, but it can't always be true. There are two people in every relationship. Each of them has a group of friends telling them the other person is at fault. If there is a fault to be had it stands to reason only one set of friends is wrong. If there is a shared fault it should be just that … shared. Sometimes there is no fault at all.
We all have people we think are amazing. In fact these people are amazing. On the other hand we all have people we think are horrible. Now the horrible people have friends who think they are amazing. And I'm certain they are correct. Our most amazing friend has someone out there who thinks they are horrible. You see where I'm going with this right?
I am not trying to say we shouldn't comfort and support our friends. I am merely trying to explain how my mind sees this situation. This is how my brain works. This is life through my eyes.
I can't just see your POV. I really can't even just see my own POV. Every story has at least two sides. Every side has a reason for their actions. It is unfair in my mind to not look at both sides of a story. Sometimes the villain is clear sometimes it takes some deducing. Sometimes there is not villain. It is unfair to the parties involved to not look at both of their stories before decided who in my opinion is at fault. It is unfair to me to limit my perspective. I also want to point out that I clearly used the word OPINION. A decision like this is normally purely opinion and should be treated as such. My opinion doesn't have to be the same as yours and ours does not have to be the same as mine. That noted I do try to make my opinions based off all the facts and that is what this blog is about.
Side note …I find people dislike this on the fence attitude about me. The don't agree with my philosophies in life. It's their way or the highway so to speak. If I were to say (and we'll use religion because it's a hot topic) I am an atheist they would have more respect for me than when I tell them I am agnostic. I really think I'd get more respect being a satanist. Because people can't understand my thought process. They are so certain they are right all they can understand is a person with the same certainty about their beliefs. Someone saying I don't know rubs them the wrong way.
A lot of this comfort comes in form of the blame game. It's his fault because he did that. It's her fault because she forgot that date. To me blaming others is tantamount to lying to yourself. IE .. the situation with Bill's dad. I hate him. I hate his wife. I hate that they strive to make my life as difficult as possible. (I want to quickly note that hate is not an easy emotion for me. I don't like the way it feels to hate someone so I tend not to do it.) These are things they do to make me feel this way about them. I hate them but I can't blame the entire issue I have with this custody issue on them. I am to easy going. I try to make things as quick and painless as possible. I want what's best for Bill. Sometimes I'm wrong about what that is. If I had been stronger and stood up for myself things would be different.
I am a firm believer in not taking blame for something you didn't do. On the other hand, if someone is to blame we shouldn't give me license to transfer blame to another source. We have an obligation to be truthful and fair to those important to us. We can be supportive and comforting and truthful all at the same time. IE .. again a piece e of my life; my current financial conundrum. It is my fault. I am fully to blame. I can whine about change in my finances and a too large child support payment. But I am still to blame for my situation. It is stressful and I can use emotional support but not lies.
Well here we are again … another discussion bout lying to make people happy. I still don't agree with it..
THE END
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